Because you’re worth it!

Imagine saying those three words and believing it… ‘You Are Important’!

I feel saying these three words may require courage – even if they are said quietly in your head.

The fact of the matter is, You are important, even if right now, it is me saying to You, that ‘You Are Important’.

For some, allowing themselves to even hear these three words said to them can seem confusing, or surprising, or even unnerving!  When working with clients with low self-esteem this is an area where I get a sense that the client visibly shrinks, not wanting to make a fuss, or shying away from the idea that they are important, it may go against many things that have shaped them to thinking the way they do today.

I feel that the key word is ‘believing’.  My clients come to see me about a wide variety of things that are causing them unhappiness or difficulty in their day-to-day lives.  I won’t go into detail because what we discuss in my private practice in West Sussex is confidential.

There could be a multitude of reasons as to why our own needs get pushed to the back of the queue, families, jobs, ‘just how it is’.  People may put others needs ahead of their own without realising it, and for some to allow themselves to voice their needs can feel like they are being selfish.  I call this self-care (self-care is necessary not indulgent).

However, a recurring issue is low self-esteem, people not having the confidence in their own worth or abilities.  People can easily validate why they are like they are and when I approach the topic of self-esteem, it is brushed aside almost before I finish my sentence.  Why are we so quick to rid ourselves of any display of positivity about ourselves and yet automatically find a reason as to why we are not good at something for example.

To try and put this into general day-to-day terms, when was the last time that someone commented positively on your clothes and your immediate response was, ‘oh, this old thing, I’ve had it years’.

Let’s pretend that you actually like the item of clothing (I am saying let’s pretend, because if you have low self-esteem you will probably be able to justify that you don’t actually like it, so just humour me for now).

Why would you (almost without thinking) dismiss their comment?  I challenge you that next time someone says a positive comment to you, why not do the following:

Stop,
Take a deep breath and say…
Thank you.

I appreciate that could be really difficult for you, but whilst you are still getting over the shock of accepting a compliment, have a quick check through how you are feeling now. I wonder if you are smiling if not externally than maybe internally? – Well done You – it’s tough and takes courage to change habits.

I want to refer to the safety talk when travelling on a plane.  The air steward says ‘’if oxygen masks fall, we must put our own on before helping others’. The reason for this is we need to look after ourselves in the first instance, to be able to then help others.  To me that’s how I see self-esteem, if we look after ourselves, then we are much better placed to decide if in fact we are able to help someone else or not.

From me to you, take time each day to say ‘You Are Important’ to yourself, if you are struggling with this idea, why not contact me, You can even have a free 20 minute counselling session, so together we can look at your self-esteem, because You are important!